Let’s continue our ongoing conversation about blow jobs, which will go on as long as there are willing mouths to suck penises. In other words, forever. Today’s topic: how men ask for some mouth-on-dick action without actually uttering the phrase “blowjob.” Why a man can’t just straight up ask for one? We’re not sure. Instead, most guys are cunning, using covert tactics, physical cues, and code words to try to get the fellatio they desire. And while men might think they’re being subtle announcing, “Honey, I’m erect,” we’re fully aware that they’re trying to urge us into Blow Job Land (and often, we’re happy to oblige). For the record, guys, there’s no need to make a cheese plate as a subliminal message urging us to orally indulge in your penis, but we do appreciate the gesture. Here are some other blowjob-hinting strategies we’ve been onto for years…
1. Asking you to “just kiss it real quick.”
2. Pulling his pants down and showing you his hard cock.
3. Putting on a record that you blew him to once, as if you’ll hear it and automatically open wide.
4. Lovingly moving your head down that direction while you’re sitting on the couch watching TV.
5. Suggesting that you 69 (or slowly contorting into the 69 position while going down on you).
6. Asking you to “make it wet” before you fuck.
7. Putting his fingers in your mouth and talking about how “hot” and “wet” your mouth is.
8. Announcing that he has an erection.
9. Putting his penis near your face while you’re sorting laundry, taking out the trash, or any low-to-the-ground activity.
10. Luring you into the bedroom because he has “something important to tell you,” when really it’s his dick that wants to tell you something.
11. Telling you he’s been “thinking about your lips all day.”
12. Making you a cheese plate and pouring you a bottle of wine to “help you relax” (code for “give head”).
13. Touching himself while longingly staring at your mouth.