Monthly Archives: January 2014

Humor, LMFAO, World

Prisoner Scape I Love You Too

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Prisoner Escape
I Love You Too

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.”
If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey.

I love you.

To which his wife responds:

“He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

Funny, Humor, Jokes, LMFAO, LOL, World

O Mamma Cow

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One morning, a mama cow and her three baby cows were out grazing in the field. The first baby cow comes up to the mama cow and says, “Mama, why is my name Daisy?” And the mama cow said, “Well sweetie, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head.” And the first baby cow trotted off, satisfied. The next day, they were all out in the field again. The second baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, “Mama, why is my name Tulip?” “Well, honey, when you were born a tulip fell on your head.” And the baby cow was happy with that answer and continued grazing. The next day, they all went out into the field again to graze. The third baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, “GLUPHABABABLUGHARDTHYPOGHHH!!!” And the mama cow said, “SHUT UP BRICK!!!”

 metal-cow-sculpture